Online Dating Disasters for Midlife Singles: "I’m Just a Gigolo, and Everywhere I Go... Job Offers Follow!"

Dating in One's Middle Years # 8

‘Don’t look shocked Mark - you can do it’

Why Read On?

Dating in your middle years can be a minefield, and if you’re looking for a smooth, effortless experience - well, brace yourself, things are about to get weird. (And for regular readers, consider this your next challenge.)

What you’ll get instead is a heady mix of surreal encounters, awkward bombshells, and laugh-out-loud moments that make you wonder if you’ve accidentally wandered onto the set of Meet the Millers.

Let me take you on a journey to yet another one of my misadventures - where a seemingly perfect date took a sharp left turn into the twilight zone of career opportunities I never saw coming.

In this age of online dating, it’s not just matters of the heart you need to be prepared for; sometimes, your professional CV may need a dust-off as well.

The Night it All Seemed Too Good

Laura (not her real name) and I had been chatting online for a while, and everything about her seemed spot on. Witty, attractive, full of energy - she ticked all the right boxes. She hadn’t sent me any unsolicited pictures of her private areas, so I gathered my courage and arranged to meet at a charming country pub.

For once, I was feeling oddly optimistic, a rather pleasant feeling in the swampy terrain of midlife dating.

The pub itself was postcard-perfect, complete with low wooden beams and a fire crackling away in the hearth. And when she arrived, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I could recognise her from her photos - she hadn’t lied.

I’m underselling it, she was stunning.

We hit it off immediately - easy conversation, plenty of laughs, even a bit of shared sarcasm about the perils of modern dating.

So far, so perfect.

But if my dating history has taught me anything, it’s this:

If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Dessert was on the way, and it was about this point where the universe decided it was time to stick its foot out!

The Bombshell Moment

She leaned in a little closer, a serious look on her face.

The atmosphere shifted, and I braced myself for whatever was coming. "Mark," she said, in that hushed tone people use when they’re about to drop something life-changing, "I like you, so I want to be honest."

Immediately, alarm bells rang in my head. I flashed back to that scene in the Crocodile Dundee movie, where Mick realises the beautiful woman he’s eyeing up in the bar is, in fact, a chap in drag - what the hell was she going to say?!

Her eyes held mine as she shared her bombshell.

"I'm a… lady of the night," she said, her voice lowering even further, as if she was telling me she worked for MI6.

There it was - a euphemism so carefully wrapped in silk it could have slipped past any listener not paying close attention.

Now, I have a long history in fixing my facial features into a mask, no matter what someone drops into the conversation.

Before I could even process that information fully, she smiled at me, clearly believing we were still on solid ground.

Then she asked, "Have you ever considered… partnering up?"

“Partnering up?” I repeated in a tone I hoped made me sound more worldly than I was feeling.

I felt my stomach do a strange flip.

I wasn’t sure if she was joking, but her smile suggested otherwise. She leaned in even closer, her breath tickling my ear and said, “You’d make a great gigolo.”

Wait… What…? Holy Mother of God!

One minute, I’m enjoying spotted dick and custard; the next, I’m mentally drafting a resignation letter for my entire life.

From Date to Job Interview in One Intake of Breath

I could feel my brain trying to catch up, slowly putting the pieces together.

She wasn’t just offering me honesty - she was offering me a bloody career pivot!

Somehow, I’d gone from an idyllic date in a country pub to being recruited for a whole new line of work.

Not exactly the career path I had in mind - before I knew it, I slipped into my trusty dissociation mode.

What followed was a blur of polite conversation. At one point, she casually shrugged and said, "Never mind, we can still date if you like. I keep my professional and private life separate."

This was about as appealing as a well-worn armchair in a dentist's waiting room - familiar, a bit too used, and certainly not inviting.

I nodded where I thought appropriate, mumbled something about being flattered (why, Mark, why?), and eventually declined both of her offers as tactfully as I could.

You set out looking for a meaningful connection and end up being offered roles you didn’t even know existed.

A date that had started with promise had turned into the strangest career pitch I’ve ever encountered.

Lesson Learned?

So, what’s the takeaway from this tale of unexpected turns?

When you’re back in the dating pool at this age, you never quite know what you’re stepping into. Sure, there’s a chance for romance, but there’s also a chance someone might think you’re the ideal candidate for their side hustle.

As for me, next time I sit down for supper on a date, I’ll be sure to clarify early on what kind of partnership we’re talking about. Next time, I'll steer clear of dessert and job offers alike.

For those still out there swiping right, take heed: the first date might just be the interview you didn’t see coming.

END SCENE.

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Here are three more strategies for avoiding first-date blunders - the first three can be found here:

1. Keep Expectations in Check - It’s Not a Job Interview

• Why: Going into a date with a checklist of must-haves can make the whole experience feel more like a job interview than a potential connection. High expectations and rigid standards will suck the spontaneity out of the date, leaving no room for genuine chemistry to unfold.

• Tip: Stay open-minded and approach the date with curiosity rather than a mental scorecard. Allow the conversation to flow naturally, and avoid immediately dismissing someone because they don’t tick every box. Connection often develops in unexpected ways.

2. Avoid Oversharing - Less Is More

• Why: It’s tempting to spill your entire life story in one sitting, especially if nerves kick in, but oversharing can overwhelm your date and make things awkward. Revealing too much personal information too soon can also put pressure on the other person to reciprocate.

• Tip: Stick to light, general topics on a first date and keep some of the more personal details for future conversations. Instead of unloading everything at once, focus on sharing bits of your life that invite more questions and curiosity without feeling like a free therapy session!

3. Don’t Over-plan - Leave Room for Spontaneity

• Why: Trying to micromanage every detail of the date - down to the talking points - can make the experience feel stiff and unnatural. Over planning often leads to disappointment when things inevitably don’t go according to your preconceived ideas.

• Tip: Have a general idea of what you’d like to do but stay flexible. Sometimes, the best dates happen when you’re willing to let go of the script and embrace the moment. If something unexpected comes up, lean into it - it could make for a memorable experience!

These suggestions aim to foster better connections and more enjoyable first dates by encouraging thoughtful conversation, mutual respect, and considerate honesty.

If you’ve enjoyed this story, make sure to subscribe for more updates. Next week, I’ll share another example of 'Mid-life Dating' where, even by my standards, I was shocked by the behaviour! Click here to follow along with my previous misadventures.

Have your own bombshell moments from the dating battlefield? I’d love to hear them - share your stories below!

Because dating at this age is just the start of the misadventure!

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