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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

Thank you for the like Stephen Gates - as I relive this in print - I'm an unsettling combination of mortified, horrified and a little embarrassed!

Somewhere worse than fumbling the latin prayer at school - Friday's formal lunch - and the dream where you wake up naked in front of matron!😂🙈🤣

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Maggie Jon's avatar

Oh my god I can totally relate to the brain that won't switch off! It's a pain in the ass but can be quite useful (though not when it comes to love and sex unfortunately).

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

It certainly has its uses Maggie - but as you say - sexy times is not one of them! 🚨🙈🤣

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Maggie Jon's avatar

Noooope, very annoying then.

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

I’m quietly reassured that I’m not ‘alone’ in this joyful experience! 😇

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Maggie Jon's avatar

Oh definitely not. Lots of ADHDers. The problem generally is sexual boredom, or a busy brain, or both.

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

Lord - I can never explain ‘sexual boredom’ to a future partner!

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Feb 1
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Faith Liversedge's avatar

Blimey O'Reilly - I'm so intrigued! I have some theories but will wait until next time - great read.

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

If only I’d had those at the time Faith! 🤦🏻‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤣

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Wendy Varley's avatar

Yikes, Mark. Red flags ahoy, yes. I have to ask, was she only interested in your pleasure, not her own?

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

Great question, Wendy! She was certainly focused on both - but with an intensity that felt less like passion and more like a mission.

Hopefully this isn’t TMI … at times, I felt like a cross between a favourite battery-powered aid and a wild horse she was determined to break in.

The issue wasn’t performance, but rather that she was chasing an outcome that, for me, isn’t exactly switch-operated.

She also struggled to mask her irritation when her intended finale remained… elusive. 🤦🏻‍♂️🚨😳🤷‍♂️🤣

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Francis F's avatar

Oh my god 😳😳😳🤣🤣🤣🤣😝😝😝 this is excellent!!!! Bloody gripping !!! I do hope you read the letter out in part 3. I love this and can see it as a mini series on Tv 🤣🤣🤣 brilliantly written mark 😁

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

No less than 7 days …. No more than 14 … I promise

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

That’s so kind Francis - thank you for prompting me to get writing - again - have a lovely evening x

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Francis F's avatar

Please don’t leave me and Rell waiting long part 3 🤣🤣

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anna c's avatar

Also looking ahead of your adventures on Hinder, did you know female frogs fake their own deaths to avoid mating with males they don't like...forewarned is forearmed! :DDDD

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

The Bermuda Triangle - Poole in the Uk 🤪🚨🚨🕺

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

I am having my second go at stand-up comedy on Thursday night Anna, somehow, I have to weave that in with a dating story! 🤣🤣🤣⚰️ 🚨🤪🤦🏻‍♂️😎🕺

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anna c's avatar

where is it that you stand up? you are brave...

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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anna c's avatar

OMG I have actually run out of Tena pads now....

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣👏🏻🕺 - I’m currently writing up the third instalment - buy some more x

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anna c's avatar

catering pack from amazon in 321

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

🙈🤣🤣🤣

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Daniel Puzzo's avatar

Strap yourselves in for part 3. I'm telling you, these Russian women...I wouldn't mess with them!

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Mark Kureishy's avatar

You don’t have a fluffy little rabbit, do you, Mark? Or a pressure cooker…?

Fabulous story, fabulously told!

Bravo!

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

That's so kind Mark - delighted you're enjoying the unravelling saga! If you want the boiled bunny experience, it's in this one!

https://open.substack.com/pub/msmallwood/p/online-dating-disaster-from-picnic

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Geraldine Comiskey's avatar

This reads like a great thriller. Can't wait to see what happens. Hope she turns out to be more interesting than most drama queens (they're usually just femmes fatales - and indeed hommes fatales - in their own heads).

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

Oh, she was interesting, alright Geraldine - just not in the way one hopes! Less femme fatale, more psychological thriller with a side of “You cannot be serious!” … it only gets more surreal from here.

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Nadine's avatar

Jeeeeez! I am absolutely gripped!!!!

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Mark V Smallwood's avatar

Woo hoo - I’d like to tell you there’s a happy ending Nadine! 🙈🚨😁

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Wendy Martin's avatar

How old was the daughter? Widowed or widower-beware. I have been blinded by those red lights, too. 🦕

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