Unwrapping the Holiday Blues: My Story and Yours

Self Development # 15 - What Our Response to the Festive Season Really Reveals About Us!

Let me be honest: I’ve always struggled with this time of year.

The holidays, with all their glitter and warmth, seem designed to highlight every gap, every ache, every shadow I’ve tried to outrun.

While others toast to good cheer, I sometimes find myself asking, Why do I still feel this way? What’s wrong with me?

If you’ve ever felt this too, let me start by saying: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. These feelings don’t mean you’re broken or failing. They mean you’re human.

This season of stillness can bring up everything we’ve managed to keep at bay during the busyness of life.

Old wounds…

Unfinished stories…

That quiet, persistent voice whispering…

Is this enough?

Am I enough?

I know that voice because I’ve lived with it for as long as I can remember.

The Weight of the Past

For me, it started early.

Boarding school taught me resilience, yes, but also a profound loneliness.

I can still picture endless Sundays stuck in detention, staring at a blackboard in silence, knowing the home I longed to escape to wouldn’t offer the belonging I craved either.

Then there was my mother - a woman whose love came with strings, when it came at all.

Even now, as I visited her on Christmas Day, her Alzheimer’s convincing her I’m her younger brother.

Driving to the care home, knowing I’ll leave feeling completely drained by her tenacious self-focus, yet compelled by something within me that refuses to stop giving, even when it hurts.

These experiences shaped me, for better and worse. They bred a resilience I’ve learned to be proud of, but also a constant yearning for safety, purpose, and connection - things I’ve spent a lifetime chasing.

The Search for Meaning

I thought I’d found it once.

Joining the military felt like it would be the perfect answer: structure, belonging, and a higher purpose.

When that door closed, it wasn’t just a career path that disappeared - it was a chance to redefine myself.

Since then, I’ve built a life helping others. Coaching. Mentoring. Raising two wonderful children who’ve grown into remarkable young adults.

Yes it’s brought me pride and fulfilment, but it hasn’t ever silenced that voice.

Especially not at this time of year.

When the world slows down, and there’s less to “do,” I feel restless, untethered. I suspect some of you feel the same.

What’s Really Going On

The truth?

Nothing is “wrong” with us.

But we’re people who’ve had to survive hard things.

We’ve built armour and learned to move forward, even when it hurts.

The holidays, with their enforced stillness, strip all that away and expose what’s underneath: the unresolved grief, the echoes of loneliness, the ache for something more.

And you know what?

That’s okay.

Feeling this way doesn’t mean we’ve failed.

It means we’re alive.

What Can We Do About It?

So, where do we go from here?

How do we make peace with this ache and move forward with a little more grace?

• Start Small: The search for meaning doesn’t need grand gestures. Sometimes it’s about the little things - sending a kind message, helping a neighbour, or even (the hardest thing) just showing yourself some compassion.

• Let People In: We’re so good at helping others, but we often resist letting them help us. Try it. Share how you’re feeling, even if it’s messy or incomplete. You might be surprised by the connection it sparks.

• Give Yourself Permission: To feel blue. To rest. To not be “productive” for a moment. These feelings don’t define you - they’re just part of the process.

• Recognise Your Strength: Look at everything you’ve overcome. Take stock of the lives you’ve touched, the ways you’ve contributed, and the love you’ve given to others - even when it wasn’t returned.

An Invitation to Share

I’m sharing this because I know how lonely it can feel to carry these thoughts in silence.

But if this resonates with you - if you’ve felt the same ache, the same questions - I want to hear from you.

What are your reflections this holiday season?

What’s been weighing on you, and how are you coping?

Let’s start a conversation.

There’s power in sharing - not just to lighten our own load, but to remind each other that we’re not alone. So drop a comment, send a message, or reply however you feel comfortable.

Because here’s the truth: none of us has to go through this alone.

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