“You’re grilled about your qualifications for a role you’re not even sure you want, with no idea if the company - your date - is a place you’d want to work for, let alone spend your future with.”
Really enjoyed this read Mark ☺️ especially the line above.
The smarter, more intelligent, humble, nice people have a smaller pool, no? Typically their standards are higher, no? As such, you and I will not fare well...do these apps and, anyway its for the common denominator mostly. As such the success rate stinks.
In reality, in my experience, these apps are designed with one purpose in mind - and I don’t believe that is happiness.
The restriction of reward (likes) - usually more so for the male user - creates a sense of anxiety. This encourages extended use and dramatically increases the likelihood of spending more money to improve your odds of a match.
For the female users I’ve spoken to - it is at a cursory level similar. However, most women receive many more likes than most men. This can give a false sense of security. It initially appears you have lots of choice and I’ve heard it can be validating.
Unfortunately, this soon proves to be false. The incidence of ghosting is high and it removes the best element of finding a partner (for life, not bed) getting to know and value someone as a real person.
If one has an above average intelligence, the gloss on the facade fades exceptionally fast.
It is here the dating apps are actively harmful - the mimic all the aspects necessary to create an ‘addiction’.
As I've mentioned before, I don't have any experience with online dating. However, a couple of experiences in Ukraine when I first moved there in 2005 sound somewhat similar. On one date, a woman I'd met at the gym brought her friend along, ostensibly because she spoke better English. Turns out, the friend spoke barely any English, and I think this 'friend' was maybe a lawyer or something? Barely 3 minutes into the date I was getting grilled on how much money I had, property, life plans, etc. I knew right away that this wasn't going to work but I went along with it, trying to steer the conversation in a lighter direction. But this wretched friend did all the talking!
My date and I barely made eye contact at the gym after that...
Your voiceover presents the story as very real and your advice very useful. There is nothing like a British accent to convince one to continue listening. If I were still dating, the lack of your tidbits would be great red flags to acknowledge. 🦕
Many thanks for your comment, Wendy. My accent was very ‘East Midlands’ until 1979 when I was sent to boarding school. There, I was ‘encouraged’ to speak ‘properly’, so now I apparently sound very BBC! 🤣🤣
I’m not quite sure what my ‘tidbits’ are, but I recognise that my inability to pick up on subtle dating cues might make me a bit tiresome 🙈🚨🙉
“You’re grilled about your qualifications for a role you’re not even sure you want, with no idea if the company - your date - is a place you’d want to work for, let alone spend your future with.”
Really enjoyed this read Mark ☺️ especially the line above.
Looking forward to your next instalment
So kind Laura … I’m delighted you’re getting vicarious enjoyment from my experiences 🥳😂🤣🫣
Rather you than me Mark. This is brilliant 👏
The smarter, more intelligent, humble, nice people have a smaller pool, no? Typically their standards are higher, no? As such, you and I will not fare well...do these apps and, anyway its for the common denominator mostly. As such the success rate stinks.
Great observation Ilya.
In reality, in my experience, these apps are designed with one purpose in mind - and I don’t believe that is happiness.
The restriction of reward (likes) - usually more so for the male user - creates a sense of anxiety. This encourages extended use and dramatically increases the likelihood of spending more money to improve your odds of a match.
For the female users I’ve spoken to - it is at a cursory level similar. However, most women receive many more likes than most men. This can give a false sense of security. It initially appears you have lots of choice and I’ve heard it can be validating.
Unfortunately, this soon proves to be false. The incidence of ghosting is high and it removes the best element of finding a partner (for life, not bed) getting to know and value someone as a real person.
If one has an above average intelligence, the gloss on the facade fades exceptionally fast.
It is here the dating apps are actively harmful - the mimic all the aspects necessary to create an ‘addiction’.
Basically - a complete shitshow!
Loved "the gloss on the facade fades exceptionally fast"
As I've mentioned before, I don't have any experience with online dating. However, a couple of experiences in Ukraine when I first moved there in 2005 sound somewhat similar. On one date, a woman I'd met at the gym brought her friend along, ostensibly because she spoke better English. Turns out, the friend spoke barely any English, and I think this 'friend' was maybe a lawyer or something? Barely 3 minutes into the date I was getting grilled on how much money I had, property, life plans, etc. I knew right away that this wasn't going to work but I went along with it, trying to steer the conversation in a lighter direction. But this wretched friend did all the talking!
My date and I barely made eye contact at the gym after that...
One would like to hope that’s because she felt some remorse for treating you that way … sadly I feel that’s unlikely 🙈🙄👌🏻
This is an interesting amusing read, insight into the male mind .
Probably an impossible idea but would be great to follow this with the female’s story of the same date .
Keep writing ,you do it so well Mark
Your voiceover presents the story as very real and your advice very useful. There is nothing like a British accent to convince one to continue listening. If I were still dating, the lack of your tidbits would be great red flags to acknowledge. 🦕
Many thanks for your comment, Wendy. My accent was very ‘East Midlands’ until 1979 when I was sent to boarding school. There, I was ‘encouraged’ to speak ‘properly’, so now I apparently sound very BBC! 🤣🤣
I’m not quite sure what my ‘tidbits’ are, but I recognise that my inability to pick up on subtle dating cues might make me a bit tiresome 🙈🚨🙉
Don’t blame you, not one Iota 😎🤦🏻♂️🤣🤣